Why don't we wear asscots anymore?

*|MC:SUBJECT|*

sweet action

Lowkey assgressive excitement:

The first inassgural A Solo Show Festival is happening at Sweet Action beginning December 9th and finished NO LATER than December 11th. Trust us, ending by December 11th is a GOOD THING for your funny bone because that thing will be snapped RIGHT OFF by too many acts to list and you WILL NEED RECOUPERATION TIME. Here is a list of ALL THE ACTS:

Shall we ASSUME YOU WILL BE THERE?

Corporate Shilling FOR DAYZ

THIS WAS A POPULAR ADDITION TO THE NEWSLETTER ACCORDING TO ALL THE CORPORATIONS so it stays. The kickbacks are UNREAL in this industry. You have NO IDEA. Got something you need plugged? Send me a message. I HATE CONFRONTATION so I will SHILL 4 U but also there is some lovely stuff out there that could be really fun for ALL THA SWEETIES so HMU BB

OH NO Sketchfest is A DIRECT COMPETITOR to ASSFEST!

As a quick asside,

As a quick aside, I think I’ve got ASS on the brain, because I spelled asside above with 2 “s”s

As a quick aside, I did it again without thinking about it. What a great festival this will be.

Anyways, yeah, here’s the copy, I WILL ITALICIZE ALL OF THE CONFLICTS OF INTEREST with ASSFEST

Toronto Sketch Comedy Festival Returns March 8-19, 2023
2023 Submissions Now Open!

Toronto’s favourite comedy festival is gearing up for its 18th year, and that means they're on the lookout for excellent scripted comedy.

TOSketchFest23 will take place in-person March 8-19, 2023 with live presentations of sketch comedy work plus the TOsketchfest Film Festival screening.

Deadline to submit: November 30, 2022

This year live submissions will be collected via Zone Festival, and film submissions will be collected via FilmFreeway.

Click here for full details!

And also, JOHN BEALe returns for aNOTHER weekend clown workshop. He’s a SNACK and has been in MOVIES I HAVE WATCHED and also is a great clown teacher. https://facebook.com/events/s/weekend-clown-workshop-with-jo/1545522309221679/

unsubstantiated rumors:

And if you got this far… ok, I really tried to get through this newsletter without talking about people unsubscribing. But, like, they keep unsubscribing. 5 PEOPLE LAST TIME. So.. I feel like I can change. Just tell me what you need and I’ll do it. You want me to subscribe to your mailing list? Done and done. I DON’T UNSUBSCRIBE, I FIGHT FOR THE RELATIONSHIP JUST please talk to me and WE CAN GET THROUGH this. I dunno, I guess I’ve been spending a lot of time at work. It’s just tough sometimes, because I want to give you your space but - BUT, THERE I GO AGAIN WITH THE BUTTS. Let’s just call an ASS an ASS AND BE DONE WITH IT (go check out ASSFest this December!).

And if you got this far… longtime readers of the mailing list may take issue with the last paragraph, claiming I did in fact unsubscribe to Crate & Barrel. Well, you’re right, but I clawed my way back into their good graces. I’m writing this newsletter with my feet resting on some BEAUTIFUL MELAMINE DINNERWARE.

And if you got this far… RED BASTARD is really quite hopefully coming to fight me in a BATTLE OF THE RED BASTARDS in FEBRARY MIDDLE like 16th ish. Bouffon.

And if you got this far.. BRUNCH continues to be an enigma wrapped up in a MYSTERY. Isaac doesn’t know whether to get mad at me or hug me FOR MY ASSTROCIOUS PROMOTION SKILLS. Get ready for brunch anyways. Bonus image below.

And if you got this far… maybe I’ll put together a seminar on producing workshops. That would be nice. Any interest in that? OH MY GOD I MUST go to the BATHROOM I don’t stop these newsletters until they are done. I also had about 6 cups of coffee today with AITOR BASAURI who is a gosh darned SAINT but don’t tell him I said that.

And if you got this far… the tech workshop was pretty fun. I’ll do another. Maybe after ASSFest.

And finally, if you got this far, unsubscribing IS YOUR RIGHT and I FULLY SUPPORT YOU but maybe I can offer more if you then RE-SUBSCRIBE? I don’t know. I just think you’re great and I’ll miss you if you go. DON’T LE ME GUILT TRIP YOU but I do actually love you

cool beans
Gordon Neill